I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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