The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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