i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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