All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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