It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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