WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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