I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
