he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
