I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
