Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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