So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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