i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was born a porn star she said
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
