I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
