It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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