i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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