she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
