like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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