you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who died my cat blue again?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize