Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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