got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
