Have you finally orgasmed yet?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
