"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
