youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
