I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're making bets on your personal life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize