Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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