yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize