My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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