first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
