Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize