You can't motorboat a personality
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
