a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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