Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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