i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
