he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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