Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
