someone get that fucking seahorse.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize