You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
