census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
