So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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