I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
