He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
