If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
only if we run a train.
done.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
