Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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