he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
