So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
