If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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