I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
should my penis look like a turkey
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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