all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
