Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
