I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
