she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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