i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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