My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
