You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize