Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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