I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
