I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
