I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize