At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
