I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
