I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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