Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
