Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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