dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
