I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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