We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
