I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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