True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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