He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
