I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
