She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
