I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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