That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
