I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
