she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
