We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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