I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
