Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
