He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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