Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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