Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
